Damn you, Butter Toffee Popcorn with Almonds!

First of all (popcorn aside) I would like to apologize to my favorite knocked up Geeky girl. I thank the good Lord for her TMs. Including Kumquat thread, banana pants, gigantic orange and BFP pictures (all of which I still have on my phone because they were so fantastic).

Now back to popcorn-
I'm pretty sure this isn't on my diet..wait.. what diet? My fingers are sticky with toffee but I don't care. It's delicious. I've gained like 30lbs (or more..but we're stopping at 30) since the wedding. None of my pants fit me anymore. And I'm talking-I can't even get them up to my thighs. It's awful. I feel like a cow. I've done really well on the South Beach Diet in the past, but I just can't seem to get myself back in gear.

I've decided that I'm going to try to stop being disgusted at myself all the time, embarrassed because I have an enormous ass and afraid to go out and do things because I just feel like a cow.
I'm going to start loving me for me...cellulite included. Life is too short to constantly hate yourself and wish that you could be something or someone else. I need to love me. Of course, I will work on getting more exercise, continuing to eat healthy (except for random morning raids of toffee popcorn)..but I need to stop being so hard on myself to be perfect. I am who I am... and that's just the way it is.

I am also trying to work on making the most of my day. Stop giving my medical conditions power over me, and fight it. I am 24. I am not going to feel 50 anymore. I refuse.
I am going to wake up refreshed and excited about the day, not dreading it. I am going to go out of my way to get fresh air during lunch and drive home with my windows rolled down to enjoy being able to breathe. God made me who I am- He gave me the chance to be a fighter and succeed...and that's just what I'm going to do. I have to be thankful that I can walk, talk, hear, and feel. Things could be worse. I might be a bit broken and rotten in the reproductive area, but I still have to live and enjoy my life. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.
That's been proven. I've had a rough life up until now and I can't let stuff get to me.

I suppose I should mention my TTC crap. I'm on Cycle 11 CD14. I had my HSG last cycle. With the lay offs and everything, I guess my attention is on other things. I'm still obsessing over my cycle, only not as much this time. I've got bigger fish to fry right now. I have so many things to do and worry about in the next 3-4 weeks that I just can't worry about trying to get ku. I'm back to temping and charting since I learned that MayT doesn't do well with NOT charting. So.. we'll see what happens.. going to try to do every other day this cycle, and that should cover us well enough. I should be oing in the next couple of days.

I'm not really sure how I'm going to utilize this blog in the future and if it's even worth my time.. but I suppose we'll find out. I was always told by my father to never write anything down that you don't want others to see. If only he had taken his own advice. Quite the head trip, that situation.

My motivation for the last couple of weeks and the next few: Matthew 10:29-31
29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny[a]? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

PS-
The Butter Toffee Popcorn with Almonds is now gone.