I've been feeling super depressed recently and I figured it would be good to write it all out. Here are some reasons/crap I'm dealing with:
*I have insomnia and sleep like shit all the time
*I have fibromyalgia and feel like shit all the time
*I have migraines and get them all the time
*I have endo and have cramps all the time
*I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc and struggle with it all the time
*I have infertility issues and struggle with them all the time
*I have finance problems and struggle with them all the time
*I have tons of insecurites and struggle with them all the time
*I'm overweight
*I'm starting a new job this month, that I am DREADING
*Ray and I aren't really getting along right now
*I am not taking Clomid next cycle, so I feel like this cycle was my last chance.
*I'm about to move onto #14
*Part of me doesn't even want to TTC anymore
*I don't know/think if I like my CBEFM
*I'm having stomach problems from all the stress
*I don't have family close by/I miss my mom, dad and brothers
*I want to run away
*I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
*I had a nightmare that my dog ate Darby and even though she's still really alive and safe, I still feel like she's gone and my heart is breaking. (I hate dreams like that..it was really graphic).
*I'm so depressed that I don't want to go talk to my therapist tomorrow..which I usually look forward to.
*I feel myself completely shutting down.
*I feel like I'm broken, empty, worthless, fat, ugly, a bad person.
*I can't imagine why anyone would like/love/want to be around me.
*I feel like I don't deserve Ray because of all of the above.
I'm getting pretty desperate... I'm just so tired.
Consumption 17
1 day ago
4 comments:
This makes me cry because to me you are an angel. You are beautiful and wonderful. You have so much worth and I know you don't see it (because I often think this way of myself) but other's do.
I understand so much of what you have said. I too sometimes think it would be easier if it all went away. I haven't had those sort of thoughts since I was a child and it's so scary.
I wish there was a way that your pain could be healed, headaches, endo, and Fibro; because living in constant pain can make one desperate and def. not want to fight anymore. If I could I'd take it all away because you don't deserve any of this.
I love you my friend and I'm so sorry you are struggling.
I love you May!!!!!! And you know that. :) Please remember, I'm here for you all of the time.
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.
You are such a beautiful, smart, wonderful person and it blows that you have to deal with so much.
I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.
A huge hug to you.
Oh, May. That's such a long list to deal with and I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. As somebody who only knows you from the Nest and now from your blog, I can still say that you're a gift to everyone on our board. I'm very grateful that you're a part of it. I wish I could make even some of that list disappear.
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